I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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