i think my tv is drunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
