If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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