if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
