It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
