I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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