shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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