Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
