So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
