Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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