I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
