Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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