Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
