There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
