how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
