i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
