Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
