What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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