Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So. Much. Porn.
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