you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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