I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In America we eat man semen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
