He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
