apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
