Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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