Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
