You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She bit a glass in half.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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