apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
