Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right

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(605): View more from South Dakota

you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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(315): View more from New York

It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."

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(647): View more from Ontario

I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

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(616): View more from Michigan

Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.

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(410): View more from Maryland

There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me

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