im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
