New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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