dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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