he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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