just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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