What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
