Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
