he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Alive.
So much puke
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
