Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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