I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
