You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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