The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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