Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
