I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
