You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
