Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
