Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
