My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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