Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
