I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
