I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it glows. i had to have it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize