I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
