i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
