bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
