She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
