her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
