So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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