is your mom at the bar?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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