At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
