Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
