I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Help. Why am I so naked?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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