he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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