The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
