and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
