There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
